Sunday, August 12, 2012

Hard to say goodbye....

Today I experienced one of the weirdest feelings ever. Sitting at the Mumbai international airport and thinking of what lies ahead...began to feel there is a lot being left behind. Felt like suddenly life has taken a completely different turn.

I can't even explain my current state. Right now I am about to take off and my heart tells me to step off this aircraft and go home. It is not even the time to actually move, yet these feelings...cannot think of a logical explanation for this.

Anyway, the flight is about to take off and I have no choice...

Goodbye Mumbai...surely this is not easy for me to say...

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Those six hours....

Yesterday I probably had the longest ever conversation over phone with a very special friend. We almost spoke of everything under the sun....ranging from work to our college life, our present lives..and our future...and yet it seemed like this could easily go on for a few more hours with absolutely no dearth of topics to discuss.

To be honest, I was wishing this call never ends. It was after really long time that I was feeling extremely powerful mentally and open to speaking my heart out. It seemed like everything was just falling into place by itself and this talk was making all that come to the fore. Probably the person on the other end didn't even realize what it all meant to me...but such is the power of conversation I just does the right thing, for the right person at the right time. And certain people are just needed to get this going and perhaps the friend was needed for this to happen.

After I put the phone down, there was a sudden lull in my mind...a realization that a lot of this may not really be possible in a month's time. Living alone in a foreign land suddenly didn't seem all that easy. It is going to mean a lot of things being left behind...some may still stay...a lot may be lost. However, I need to take this hard call soon for sure. Thus went the 7th hour...thinking of what next to do...the night was silent and seemed like no one was really listening to my was more like a dialogue between my mind and my heart; each having its story to tell..

Pondering over the past few years of my life and looking at what future has in store for me, the turmoil of thoughts continued into the 8th hour. They were no longer rational thoughts...most of the arguments my mind was posing seemed finally decided to put an end and try to get some sleep. However, my thoughts went back to the phone talk and how it had suddenly changed a lot of what I was thinking. Those 6 hours made a huge impact...and as I woke up this morning...continued to stay in my mind. Surely it was not just the talk, but more importantly the person that made this happen. I began to realize as well how much this friend meant to me and how things would suddenly change in a few days.

Of course, even now I have not come to decide what I want to do next...what my decision would be...maybe in a worse situation than before for deciding this...but I am glad that "those six hours" really brought to light what relationships really mean to me and how i need to cherish them and never let go. Decisions in life need not always be driven by rationale...most of them end up being driven by emotion(so has been my case always) and this conversation just reiterated that for me. Perhaps I may still decide to go, but now with more awareness and a greater ability to value what I have with me.

This post goes as a dedication to this special friend who helped me to come to this realization.

A few words that come to my mind now...for all those who have always stood by me at all times...

"I never know what the future brings, but I know you're here with me now
I'll make it through and, I hope you are the ones I share my life with"

Saturday, July 28, 2012

The choices we make...

Coming from a traditional Iyer Brahmin set thing that always was and will be of prime importance to anyone and everyone in our family is EDUCATION! I remember as child, numbers always meant everything. 95% was never there was always someone in the family who scored a .5% more. If ever asked, "what would you do when you grow up?" it was almost like a programmed response..."doctor or engineer". Don't think our horizons ever expanded beyond that....yes it could probably go to the extent of saying..."Will do it from IIT"

However today, I see a huge transition in the way students are making their choices for careers. It is very heartening to hear someone tell me "I am planning to take up pure sciences and pursue my badminton"....or "I am going to get into actuarial sciences"... That's wow for me. We have started to think beyond our normal paradigms.

As a kid, though I was never forced to really study....I always did well. Took up science...though I was never asked to. Did dentistry...when my father (who is responsible for everything that I am today) tells me to take up a career in music...I guess I wasn't all that rebellious to go against the norms my family overall..the peers around etc. I was not willing to risk a career! But today...I am into marketing in dentistry....feel really proud of the transition I made and enjoying it. Perhaps not something I imagined when I started off, but with the influence of a lot of well wishers I am!

So every time someone comes upto me and asks me what career I should pursue..all I say what you feel you can do for the rest of your lives. However even if you realize the choice you made was wrong...the world doesn't end will always find ways to reach where you want to.

One of my cousins today is at the National Institute of Design (a little credit goes to me for pushing him to get there) and I spoke to him a couple of days back. Felt so happy that he is actually doing something different, off the routine and enjoying it! What more can we ask for. Another dentist called me yesterday saying she plans to do an MBA like me and get into business. And yet another crazy engineer doing his masters says he wants to pursue Occult sciences. I am really beginning to enjoy the fact that people are thinking radically different from what they were earlier taught to think.

Some of you may not agree to my crazy interpretations...and say that it's too much of instability if you can't decide on what you want to do quickly and keep letting go till you reach where you want to be. But comm'on...does that even matter when at the end of the day all we care about is a bed to sleep on and some bread to break ;)!

Once again I quote John Lennon..." You may say I am dreamer...but I am not the only one..."

Friday, July 27, 2012

A New Day Has Come

Getting back to work after a break today. A much needed break to recuperate and bounce back....well served I must say.

Feeling calm and relaxed after long and hoping for brighter days.

These words have been ringing in my mind....

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun

A new day has come

Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength

Wishing my readers a wonderful weekend! :)

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Indifference or Hatred- what's more dreadful?

Just wondering...

We always learnt as a child in our language lessons...Hatred is the opposite of love

But is that really true? I have a different take on this.

Hatred cannot be the opposite of Love. It just means there did exist love which has now changed paths. I feel the real opposite of love is indifference, where you don't care a damn for the other person or what happens to him/her. That surely is more hurtful or rather dreadful than someone who hates you.

If someone hates you, it still means there are feelings...and that you are in still in their thoughts and perhaps someday those thoughts change path and come back to the path of love.

However, if the only feelings they have are those of indifference towards you, surely your existence doesn't really matter to them. You are simply no longer in their lives.

And that's the irony of human little time on this earth to live...yet the multitude of such complicated feelings...

But in the end, I know...."Love will keep us alive":)

Killing me softly

The day doesn't seem to end as well as worries...I will bounce back soon.
For now I just end with these lovely words....

Keh de mujhse, dil mein kya hai..aisa bhi kya guroor
Tujhko bhi toh, ho raha hai...thoda asar jaroor
Yeh khamoshi Jeene na de....koi toh baat ho...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Music- the healer to my soul

Music is one such thing that has always impacted my life dramatically. I have songs or simply instruments I associate with each mood or situation. And somehow, like magic, they just work and get me back on track to face the world.

Today, while lying in bed- "my so-called bed rest after the broken rib injury",I have been listening to some of the songs really close to my heart, different genres, different kinds....but each seem to just outdo the other to elevate my mood.

Times have been tough for me emotionally, and I have been finding reasons to avoid certain things in my life. For those who know me really well, this change has been hard hitting. My enthusiasm to do something absolutely crazy, living my dreams and imaginations, going all way out to just get the silliest things trademarks..seem to have been kinda lost. And today, as I sat here, listening to the lovely music, I realized and am very happy....its all still there..just in hibernation. I almost had a mind to go down and literally "play" in the rain, like I used to....but thanks to my condition, it needs to be postponed :).

" Jeevan kya hai, chalta firta, ek khilona ankhon mein, ek se hasna, ek se Rona hai..." Today's inspiration for me! More to come soon. :)

Sunday, February 12, 2012

My "To-Do" List 2012

For most people who know me, I am a "to-do" list person. As a student, I had a list of things to study each day- and unless I am done with those, my day wouldn't end. Today, I start my day at work with a list of things to complete. Thats the first few minutes at the beginning of the fact I also have timelines for myself - though no one ever asked me to follow those. So for my friends- I am a timetable, checklist etc etc.

Unfortunately, I have never made an effort to have this To-Do list in my personal life. Studies and work overtook everything else- my fitness, my music, my personal time, my health...pretty much everything. I have been pondering over this during the past few  I really doing justice to myself? Is it really worth letting go of all other pursuits in life for work....and the answer is definitely a No!
Perfectionist- a term that I have always loved to be addressed by everyone around me...somehow has never reflected in my personal life. I have never strived for perfection in this area. I have just let go. I guess most of us do this and reflect upon it at sometime in life- however not many of us act to change things.

So today, at the age of 27, which I feel is fairly early for such realisation, I decided to make a list of things I want to do....rather I HAVE to do. The reason for penning this is simple - if it is public, I am liable to deliver (just like how I look at my work ;-))

And here is the list....

1. Learn to swim - #1 Priority (Petrified of water)
2. Regular workout - 3 times a week
3. Rejoin Guitar and Music lessons
4. Take up dance lessons
5. Learn a new language
6. 30 minute for yoga everyday

Not too long a list to start off with I believe.

So friends, here is a request. Keep checking on me and my progress....I need this motivation badly.

Wish me luck :-)